Sunday, August 30, 2009

4 years ago today....
























































August 30, 2009 the world lost a great man. Mike Williams was my cousin. He was murdered found beaten to death in his car on his way home from work. I spent my day going to visit the grave and crash site of my little cousin. No one, and I mean no one should ever have to say those words. The pictures here are of today. My Aunt Char and Tabitha Kemp who made this beautiful picture of Mike for her, the signs at the crash site, me putting flowers at the crash site, my family and Mike's friends at his grave. Mike's death started it all. There would be no CCFHV if it weren't for him. I know that I represent now 30 families but for me, today is about Mike and I am sure that there will be some people out there that don't like that, but too bad. Mike was my cousin. He was my blood. and today is his anniversary. There have been a lot of emotions this week. I have felt the pain of losing him, anger...so much anger at the fact that his case is still unsolved and that his killer is still out there, living their life as if nothing has happened. Something happened! Mike was stolen from all of us that loved him. I have so many wonderful memories that I keep close to my heart. I would love to share them with you, but for some reason, I feel if I do, then they will no longer be mine... I miss him. I really miss him. I have had a very difficult couple of weeks.My closest friends have felt the effects of my wrath. I cannot help it. I don't understand it. I have been living with the fact that he is gone for 4 years. You would think it would get easier with time, but for me it hasn't. No matter what I do, I can't help. I can't help the public care and love him like we did, I can't help my Aunt Char who is still in so much pain. I can't help his friends who I have been blessed to spend some time with this week, I can't help myself. Nothing I do can bring him back! He is gone. FOREVER. At the vigil last Friday, I looked around at these families that I know and for the first time ever, I felt a sense of hopelessness with Mike's case that I have never known. Rhoda, Barb and Bonnie have been waiting for answers for over 30 years. I cannot imagine. I love them all and want so much for them to get some kind of resolution but at the same time, I hope and pray that we will not have to wait for 30 years. I mean no disrespect by that statement and I know the other families will understand my feelings. Mike is gone. He isn't coming back. He touched so many lives while he was here. It is so unfair that his life was taken. I am angry. I am so angry.. My Aunt is also going threw the "Angry Stage" as they call it (as if it ever goes away) ..the signs that you see here from the crash site show that. Anger. Hopelessness. Pain. Fear. Loss. Love. Regrets. It is reality and it sucks! My family has changed. I certainly have changed. None of us are the same. Nor should we be. I am also grateful. I am grateful that the last time I saw Mike, I hugged him and told him that I loved him. He knew that. He always knew that because I made sure of it. My family knows that I love them..My friends know that I love them..And that's the way it should be. ALWAYS hug your family and friends and tell them that you love them! Don't ever think that they know. You have to tell them and make sure they know. That is the only small bit of comfort that I have. Mike knew. And just as importantly. I knew too. I knew that he loved me. He made sure of it. I know that my thoughts are a bit jumbled right now and I apologize for that. I miss my cousin. I hate that he is gone and there is so much pain around us. I hate that his killer is still out there. I hate that I feel hopeless. I hate that I hate this whole thing! I love you Mike and miss you so much! You are part of me everyday and I know that you know...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your pain and your loss - I truly believe you started this organization for a reason and that there will be some justice for you and your family...something will happen!!! I also know that the other families that you have helped and resurfaced their cases can only help in a positive way by bringing the story back out and bringing it a little closer to someone knowing something and being solved!! Imagine these families(yours included) at least getting some peace in knowing justice will be served...Regardless they will all be judged one day and cannot hide like cowards any more when they also face their death....Smile and be happy knowing that you are helping so many that only you and your family can know "how they feel" God bless ! Amy Marsden (amylovesangels@yahoo.com)

Anonymous said...

Im mad that it wouldnt take my name so i wrote it at the bottom of the message lol it will only let me post under anonymous for some reason

Sherrill said...

God doesn't give us more than we can handle. You are surviving your hurt,anger and emotions with dignity and support for others who have had these same thoughts. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

Anonymous said...

Belinda, no disrespect could ever be taken by myself and hopefully not anyone else. You stated the truth. I wouldn't wish anyone to have to go through 30 years either. And again, no disrespect to anyone but atleast you know where your cousin is. Mine? Sherrills son, Tracys family? We have no clue! Imagine, not knowing! Imagine, never being able to say goodbye. Praying that they will be found alive but knowing in your heart thats not gonna happen. I STILL MISS Louise. 30 years later, I STILL MISS HER!!! Wish I could tell you all that it will go away with time but i'd be lieing. We have looked everywhere we could think of where she might be buried. All we know for sure is that she is gone! Do I think the police did their jobs back then? No!!!! Do I think they are doing their jobs now? Or is it the higher ups? Harron maybe?
Sorry! Talk about anger, yeah I still (after 30 years) have plenty.
I Am Very sorry and it breaks my heart to watch this happen to other families like yours, watching your aunt as I watched Lou deal with losing Louise. And now we are in this cruel situation together.
You have to know that Mike would be very proud of you for all you have done. Bringing all of us together. I would not have gotten to know you, your aunt, Sherrill or any of the other families if you hadn't started this and atleast we do know now that others really do know how we feel. Death in any way is hard to deal with but knowing that our family member was murder is something altogether different.
Just know how much you are loved and respected for all the hard work you put into all this and know that you are not alone. We really do feel your pain and are here for you!
with lots of love,
Barb Davis

Anonymous said...

Now if you just would have said all this at the vigil, imagne how much better it would have been, than hidden here.

Kimberly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kimberly said...

I think Belinda deserves at least one day a year to mourn her cousin Mike alone. Most people forget she is also a family member of some one who was murdered. She spends every other day worrying that people will get mad if she spends any time on Mike's case and not enough time on some one else on the list. Please be understanding and at least let her have that one day.